just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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