So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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