I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
