HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
