we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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