Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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