You can't special order awesome
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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