My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize