OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
