Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
