i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
