I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
