oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
