I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
