Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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