how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
