Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
