There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize