Where are you?
In a non slutty way
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
