i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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