Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
