just come out here and I will go home with you...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize