I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
