we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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