I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
