he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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