Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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