Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
