When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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