hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
