I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
not ubering you a puppy
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
