The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
