Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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