You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My bed is full of blood and feathers
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
