So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
