I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
