I accidentally had phone sex last night
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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