i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
