I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
