i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
