the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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