I think i peed on brittanys purse
either way he was missing a nipple.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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