I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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