i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
