So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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