i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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