Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
