you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
