Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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