Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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