I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
