I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
