there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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