So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
love makes seman taste better
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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