Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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