If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm just crazy horny about you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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