I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
