I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
