Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
