So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize