you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
