we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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