I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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