i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize