I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
