god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My feet surprised me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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