About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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