someone owes me an orgasm
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
