I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize