Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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