I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
