Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
