omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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