oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So vagazzling was a success
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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