Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
what is it with giant penises always finding me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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